1 00:00:02,220 --> 00:00:03,800 Come on, the plane's in an hour. 2 00:00:04,580 --> 00:00:05,920 Did you get our seat assignments? 3 00:00:06,200 --> 00:00:07,760 Yeah. Did you order me the Hindu meal? 4 00:00:08,880 --> 00:00:10,420 Yes, and I have no idea why. 5 00:00:10,720 --> 00:00:12,280 Oh, it just sounded kind of kicky. 6 00:00:12,520 --> 00:00:13,299 It's okay. 7 00:00:13,300 --> 00:00:14,920 If I don't like it, we'll switch. 8 00:00:15,140 --> 00:00:16,140 Oh, well, phew. 9 00:00:16,379 --> 00:00:17,440 Glad we worked that out. 10 00:00:18,000 --> 00:00:19,420 Wait, wait. Where's my makeup case? 11 00:00:20,160 --> 00:00:21,160 Here it is. 12 00:00:22,660 --> 00:00:25,380 Oh, honey, I thought you were going to shave that. 13 00:00:25,860 --> 00:00:28,760 Well, I changed my mind. I think it makes me look like Andy Garcia. 14 00:00:29,850 --> 00:00:30,850 I like him. 15 00:00:30,870 --> 00:00:31,950 What was I in with him? 16 00:00:32,170 --> 00:00:32,889 An elevator. 17 00:00:32,890 --> 00:00:33,890 Oh, yeah. 18 00:00:33,970 --> 00:00:34,970 That's right. 19 00:00:35,330 --> 00:00:39,410 God, honey. Oh, for God's sake. What have you got in here? Just a couple of 20 00:00:39,410 --> 00:00:42,210 Grammys. I get extra chocolates when the chambermaid sees them. 21 00:00:42,770 --> 00:00:45,890 Come on, sweetheart. I don't want to be running down the tarmac after a plane 22 00:00:45,890 --> 00:00:46,849 again. Okay, okay. 23 00:00:46,850 --> 00:00:47,850 Okay. Oh. 24 00:00:48,830 --> 00:00:51,830 I miss you two so much when I go away. We miss you too, Mommy. 25 00:00:52,090 --> 00:00:53,250 Oh, always traveling. 26 00:00:53,690 --> 00:00:56,190 You know, I should have just been a registered nurse. 27 00:00:57,510 --> 00:00:59,110 That's enough to make you a Christian scientist. 28 00:01:00,470 --> 00:01:04,090 Now listen, stay off the phone, listen to your father, and try to get him to 29 00:01:04,090 --> 00:01:05,090 shave that thing off. 30 00:01:05,209 --> 00:01:09,970 Okay, you have my email, you have my cell phone, you have my pager. Just take 31 00:01:09,970 --> 00:01:10,970 care of each other, okay? 32 00:01:11,170 --> 00:01:12,170 Mom, we'll be fine. 33 00:01:12,270 --> 00:01:14,210 All right, one more time. Family hug, family hug. 34 00:01:15,270 --> 00:01:16,270 Okay, 35 00:01:17,290 --> 00:01:18,290 I'll see you tomorrow. 36 00:01:19,590 --> 00:01:26,570 who loves me even though I'm crazy and nothing that I say is 37 00:01:26,570 --> 00:01:33,350 true who won my heart and soul forever it's nobody else but nobody 38 00:01:33,350 --> 00:01:40,110 else but each time I feel I'm out to pass her who always 39 00:01:40,110 --> 00:01:45,690 makes me feel brand new I'm pledging my allegiance baby 40 00:01:52,400 --> 00:01:56,300 I am telling you, I love those new button lifter pantyhose. Have you guys 41 00:01:56,300 --> 00:02:00,400 them? Oh, they're exhausting. My ass hasn't felt that clench since I ate that 42 00:02:00,400 --> 00:02:07,260 bag of Wow Chats. On that charming note, we'll take a break and be right back 43 00:02:07,260 --> 00:02:11,140 with one of our favorite guests, the Divine Miss M. 44 00:02:11,360 --> 00:02:12,360 Love her. 45 00:02:14,660 --> 00:02:16,180 All right, sweetie, three minutes. 46 00:02:17,180 --> 00:02:20,580 You don't have a Tums or anything, do you? That Hindi meal's still with me. 47 00:02:22,700 --> 00:02:23,800 Really? Your chicken was delicious. 48 00:02:24,980 --> 00:02:26,860 You decided what you're going to talk about on the show? 49 00:02:27,240 --> 00:02:28,480 I thought I was just going to sing. 50 00:02:28,880 --> 00:02:30,760 No, they expected you to do the panel afterwards. 51 00:02:31,080 --> 00:02:33,400 Well, jeez. You could tell a girl. 52 00:02:33,700 --> 00:02:35,840 I did tell a girl. The girl didn't listen. 53 00:02:37,560 --> 00:02:38,900 Well, now what am I going to do? 54 00:02:39,360 --> 00:02:42,440 Well, how about telling the one about the time the Harletts tied you to a cow 55 00:02:42,440 --> 00:02:43,440 Minnesota? 56 00:02:43,820 --> 00:02:45,940 I told that one the last time I was on. 57 00:02:47,560 --> 00:02:51,400 Oh, I got a good story. How about the time I crashed the tour bus into the 58 00:02:51,400 --> 00:02:52,119 Five store? 59 00:02:52,120 --> 00:02:53,380 No, you just told that on Letterman. 60 00:02:53,800 --> 00:02:56,160 Hey, how about when you had dinner with Julia Roberts and she ate mashed 61 00:02:56,160 --> 00:02:57,160 potatoes with her hands? 62 00:02:57,920 --> 00:03:01,840 You know what? I told that in strictest confidence to Nathan Lane. It turns out 63 00:03:01,840 --> 00:03:03,920 his mouth has a wider circulation than Newsweek. 64 00:03:07,340 --> 00:03:10,480 You know what I'm going to do? I'm just going to go out there, shake my tatas, 65 00:03:10,480 --> 00:03:11,600 and tell a whole bunch of dirty jokes. 66 00:03:11,880 --> 00:03:12,880 Oh, no. 67 00:03:12,980 --> 00:03:14,880 No, no, no. This is daytime TV. 68 00:03:15,540 --> 00:03:16,540 People are ironing. 69 00:03:17,779 --> 00:03:18,779 Well, that's it, then. 70 00:03:19,100 --> 00:03:20,760 That's it. The day has finally arrived. 71 00:03:21,080 --> 00:03:24,920 I got no stories left. I have nothing left to say. Honey, that is not too sure 72 00:03:24,920 --> 00:03:25,599 you do. 73 00:03:25,600 --> 00:03:27,340 Okay, come on. What did you do last weekend? 74 00:03:27,740 --> 00:03:30,440 I did trash cleanup on the beach at Malibu. 75 00:03:30,700 --> 00:03:33,580 And? And I found a lot of Fresca cans. 76 00:03:34,900 --> 00:03:36,580 I didn't even know they still made that stuff. 77 00:03:38,240 --> 00:03:39,240 Anything else? 78 00:03:39,300 --> 00:03:43,180 Well, I found this kid's watch, and before he went into the water, I gave it 79 00:03:43,180 --> 00:03:44,180 back to him. 80 00:03:44,360 --> 00:03:45,360 That's it? 81 00:03:46,380 --> 00:03:47,380 That's it. 82 00:03:47,940 --> 00:03:50,200 Got a real O. Henry twist there at the end, doesn't it? 83 00:03:51,060 --> 00:03:54,680 Okay, we're getting out of here. Let's go flag down a cap. Connie, no, no, no. 84 00:03:54,780 --> 00:03:56,620 No, no, no. You can't just leave. 85 00:03:57,060 --> 00:03:59,280 Connie, it's not the Kennedy Center Honors. 86 00:04:00,580 --> 00:04:04,840 I can leave. No, listen to me. Listen to me, sweetheart. Just take a big, deep 87 00:04:04,840 --> 00:04:07,200 breath, okay? You know what you're gonna do? We're gonna go out there. 88 00:04:07,480 --> 00:04:10,980 You are gonna tell a delightful anecdote. You're gonna plug your CD. 89 00:04:10,980 --> 00:04:12,500 sweetie. They're gonna love you, love you. 90 00:04:12,980 --> 00:04:13,899 Connie, I know. 91 00:04:13,900 --> 00:04:14,920 That's what it's all about, huh? 92 00:04:16,779 --> 00:04:18,660 Do I get paid for this? Yeah. 93 00:04:18,940 --> 00:04:19,940 Scale! 94 00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:24,080 Take the flowers, the fruit, and I'm coming back for that lamp. All right. 95 00:04:24,080 --> 00:04:25,800 telling you, I really want that lamp. 96 00:04:28,480 --> 00:04:34,100 Tell you it was just my imagination Running 97 00:04:34,100 --> 00:04:40,960 away, running away, baby It was 98 00:04:40,960 --> 00:04:44,500 just my imagination once again 99 00:05:27,880 --> 00:05:29,820 right up here and tell a story about me. 100 00:05:31,580 --> 00:05:32,700 Don't talk to the audience. 101 00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:36,100 So, what's been going on with you? 102 00:05:37,900 --> 00:05:39,140 Okay, true story. 103 00:05:39,880 --> 00:05:43,400 I'm on tour in Cleveland, right? Is this the one where you crashed into Large 104 00:05:43,400 --> 00:05:45,200 and Lovely? Oh, you already heard that one? 105 00:05:45,600 --> 00:05:46,600 Twice. 106 00:05:48,680 --> 00:05:52,440 Okay, if you like that one, here's one. True story. I'm having dinner with Julia 107 00:05:52,440 --> 00:05:56,040 Roberts. Nathan Lane just told that story on yesterday's show. Yeah, he did 108 00:05:56,040 --> 00:05:57,040 voices and everything. 109 00:06:00,840 --> 00:06:04,720 So, anyone do anything interesting this weekend? Anything at all? 110 00:06:05,320 --> 00:06:12,260 Well, I did kind of sort of help this kid out on the beach in Malibu. Was 111 00:06:12,260 --> 00:06:14,960 he in some kind of trouble? Well, let's just say it was a good thing I was 112 00:06:14,960 --> 00:06:17,320 there. Oh, my goodness. Was there an undertow? 113 00:06:17,600 --> 00:06:21,120 Oh, no. I didn't mean it. Mike, I was caught in an undertow once, and I almost 114 00:06:21,120 --> 00:06:22,120 drowned. 115 00:06:22,280 --> 00:06:26,660 Wow. So you just dove in there and saved the kid without any regard for your own 116 00:06:26,660 --> 00:06:29,140 personal safety? Well, I wouldn't say that exactly. 117 00:06:30,420 --> 00:06:33,020 Don't be so modest. You're a hero, isn't she? 118 00:06:33,460 --> 00:06:34,460 Well, 119 00:06:37,540 --> 00:06:41,840 anybody in my situation has done the same thing. Why didn't you tell that 120 00:06:41,840 --> 00:06:42,840 from the beginning? 121 00:06:43,180 --> 00:06:45,560 Well, I was going to, but who can get a word in edgewise? 122 00:06:46,680 --> 00:06:48,020 It's just a free -for -all. 123 00:06:49,560 --> 00:06:50,940 You really are so... 124 00:06:52,970 --> 00:06:56,150 I'm just glad I'm a strong enough swimmer to go two kilometers with a 125 00:06:56,150 --> 00:06:56,989 my back. 126 00:06:56,990 --> 00:07:01,490 That is so dramatic, isn't it? I mean, you couldn't make up a better story. 127 00:07:03,590 --> 00:07:04,590 We'll be right back. 128 00:07:20,460 --> 00:07:22,320 Yeah, unless after the break you're abducted by aliens. 129 00:07:24,480 --> 00:07:27,320 I guess I let things get a little out of hand, huh? 130 00:07:27,740 --> 00:07:28,740 You think? 131 00:07:29,920 --> 00:07:32,460 Well, honey, I was under a tremendous amount of pressure. 132 00:07:32,900 --> 00:07:36,980 You see, sweetie, when I'm with you and Daddy, that's the real me. But once I'm 133 00:07:36,980 --> 00:07:40,940 unleashed upon the public, people expect me to entertain them. 134 00:07:41,260 --> 00:07:43,900 You know, if you look at it one way... Which way? 135 00:07:44,660 --> 00:07:45,660 My way. 136 00:07:46,780 --> 00:07:48,060 I'm really the victim here. 137 00:07:48,670 --> 00:07:53,730 How do you figure? Okay, people crave too much entertainment these days. 138 00:07:53,730 --> 00:07:55,770 so many channels, so many magazines. 139 00:07:56,070 --> 00:07:57,350 I mean, what was I supposed to do? 140 00:07:57,790 --> 00:07:59,050 Somebody's got to fill them up. 141 00:07:59,930 --> 00:08:03,690 You know how much I hate to lie, but the world is a completely different place 142 00:08:03,690 --> 00:08:05,730 than it was when I was born in 1962. 143 00:08:07,950 --> 00:08:08,950 When? 144 00:08:09,150 --> 00:08:10,150 1961. 145 00:08:11,350 --> 00:08:12,350 Okay, 146 00:08:12,790 --> 00:08:13,790 1902. 147 00:08:14,110 --> 00:08:16,250 The point is, I feel terrible, okay? 148 00:08:16,760 --> 00:08:18,480 Look, the best thing you can do is just be honest. 149 00:08:19,080 --> 00:08:20,080 Really? 150 00:08:20,620 --> 00:08:23,400 Okay. I really hate that goatee. 151 00:08:25,120 --> 00:08:27,120 It's not a goatee. I call it the bounty hunter. 152 00:08:28,640 --> 00:08:30,420 You're killing me, Roy. You're killing me. 153 00:08:33,000 --> 00:08:36,700 I should have just nipped that lie in the bud. Now it's going to haunt me 154 00:08:36,700 --> 00:08:40,260 forever, like the time I laughed when I saw Mother Teresa get her habit caught 155 00:08:40,260 --> 00:08:41,260 in the car door. 156 00:08:42,419 --> 00:08:44,100 You laughed at Mother Teresa? 157 00:08:44,580 --> 00:08:45,580 Well, you weren't... 158 00:08:46,510 --> 00:08:47,770 her little body snapped back. 159 00:08:49,670 --> 00:08:51,090 Even the orphans giggled. 160 00:08:52,850 --> 00:08:55,750 Look, if you're that worried about bad karma, there's only one thing you can 161 00:08:56,050 --> 00:08:57,050 Buy it back. 162 00:08:57,110 --> 00:08:58,810 How do you buy back bad karma? 163 00:09:00,610 --> 00:09:04,530 You know what? I get it. I just have to do one thing to even the karmic scales, 164 00:09:04,790 --> 00:09:07,530 and then it'll all be over. Be back in 60 minutes. 165 00:09:07,850 --> 00:09:09,370 Mom, 15 minutes. 166 00:09:09,650 --> 00:09:11,910 Honey, I'm going to run up and down the stairs twice. 167 00:09:15,500 --> 00:09:18,200 Why are we doing a public service announcement on water safety? 168 00:09:18,440 --> 00:09:21,960 Because I told a little fib on the view, and now I'm making up for it by doing a 169 00:09:21,960 --> 00:09:23,100 good deed to the Red Cross. 170 00:09:23,320 --> 00:09:25,800 Yes, that I understand, but why am I here? 171 00:09:26,220 --> 00:09:28,040 Because Connie's still sick from the Hindi meal. 172 00:09:29,800 --> 00:09:32,940 Well, be that as it may, I still don't really approve, you know, because a lie 173 00:09:32,940 --> 00:09:38,360 is still a lie, and allowing people to think that you... I'm Dylan, and I'm 174 00:09:38,360 --> 00:09:39,600 going to be in the PSA with you. 175 00:09:40,200 --> 00:09:43,320 I've just got to tell you how brave what you did was. 176 00:09:43,910 --> 00:09:46,250 Thank you, Dylan. My, aren't you pretty. 177 00:09:46,790 --> 00:09:53,350 I was actually in the car with her. I was the one who first spotted the poor 178 00:09:53,350 --> 00:09:56,730 child. I didn't hear that part of the story. Neither did I. 179 00:09:58,070 --> 00:10:02,370 You know, I always wanted to be a lifeguard, but it was my road not taken. 180 00:10:02,770 --> 00:10:04,730 I usually take the four or five to the ten. 181 00:10:09,970 --> 00:10:12,410 Did you see how he... 182 00:10:12,670 --> 00:10:16,170 took my words and twisted them round into his own little retort. 183 00:10:16,370 --> 00:10:18,570 My, my. Noel Coward with a whistle. 184 00:10:19,170 --> 00:10:21,550 Okay, Beth. Ready to run through it. Okay. 185 00:10:25,230 --> 00:10:26,770 And... action. 186 00:10:27,390 --> 00:10:28,390 Hi, I'm Beth. 187 00:10:28,830 --> 00:10:32,010 Beaches was a great film to make, but not always the safest place to be. 188 00:10:32,230 --> 00:10:35,670 You know, I love performing on stage, but I also love performing CPR. 189 00:10:36,110 --> 00:10:39,050 So next time you're on the beach and the water gets a little rough... 190 00:11:00,590 --> 00:11:03,950 So I just want to say that after seeing your public service announcement, it 191 00:11:03,950 --> 00:11:07,890 inspired me to go out and learn CPR, and now I'm teaching all my friends. Yours 192 00:11:07,890 --> 00:11:10,410 truly, Tiny Malone, San Quentin. 193 00:11:12,310 --> 00:11:15,110 Look, he's even got a tattoo of me on his arm. Oh. 194 00:11:15,430 --> 00:11:17,510 And when he flexes, it performs CPR. 195 00:11:19,610 --> 00:11:21,230 Honey, that ain't CPR. 196 00:11:26,570 --> 00:11:29,550 Still very touching. I mean, look at this outpouring of emotion. 197 00:11:29,990 --> 00:11:33,370 Who would have thought the day I saved that kid it would lead to all this? 198 00:11:34,070 --> 00:11:35,110 Beth. What? 199 00:11:35,350 --> 00:11:37,670 There was no kid. Oh, my God, you're right. 200 00:11:38,070 --> 00:11:40,630 I'm sorry. Sometimes I get carried away by my own magic. 201 00:11:41,850 --> 00:11:42,930 Well, we all do, dear. 202 00:11:43,490 --> 00:11:45,630 Well, the good part is it's done. 203 00:11:46,130 --> 00:11:51,110 Yeah. I told a little lie. I made up for it. And now, because of me, the 204 00:11:51,110 --> 00:11:53,490 swimming pool at San Quentin is just a little bit safer. 205 00:11:57,160 --> 00:11:58,160 Hello? Connie? 206 00:11:58,180 --> 00:12:01,140 Hi, it's Meredith Vieira. Hey, hi, how you doing? 207 00:12:01,520 --> 00:12:02,520 I'm fine, thanks. 208 00:12:02,760 --> 00:12:06,560 Listen, the ladies and I have been talking. Ever since that was on, we 209 00:12:06,560 --> 00:12:10,160 the story of her and that kid out of our heads. You know, we really want to take 210 00:12:10,160 --> 00:12:11,420 it to the next level. 211 00:12:11,940 --> 00:12:14,660 Oh, I don't know. I think this level's pretty comfy. 212 00:12:16,520 --> 00:12:20,940 Well, we called Betts Record Company, and they have agreed to donate $100 ,000 213 00:12:20,940 --> 00:12:24,460 to the Red Cross if she'll accept the check on our show next Monday. 214 00:12:25,010 --> 00:12:28,350 Gosh, well, I guess she could go back on since it's for charity. 215 00:12:28,610 --> 00:12:32,030 And here's the fun part. When she walks out to accept the check, guess who's 216 00:12:32,030 --> 00:12:33,030 going to hand it to her? 217 00:12:33,050 --> 00:12:35,750 The boy she saved. Won't that be a surprise? 218 00:12:36,570 --> 00:12:37,610 You have no idea. 219 00:12:39,150 --> 00:12:41,850 Great. So I'll have our show's producers call you to get the boy's number. 220 00:12:42,270 --> 00:12:44,890 No, no, no. Listen, you must be very busy. Why don't you just let me handle 221 00:12:44,890 --> 00:12:47,010 that? Thanks. Talk to you soon. All righty. 222 00:12:48,670 --> 00:12:53,210 You know, for God's... with nine fingers, Tiny has really good 223 00:12:54,910 --> 00:12:55,910 Who's that? 224 00:12:56,130 --> 00:12:57,130 Meredith Vieira. 225 00:12:57,430 --> 00:12:58,430 What do you want? 226 00:12:58,930 --> 00:13:02,190 Well, you know how you're worried you don't have any more good stories? Yeah, 227 00:13:02,190 --> 00:13:03,190 think you're about to get one. 228 00:13:05,190 --> 00:13:07,610 I'm telling you, it's driving me crazy. 229 00:13:08,010 --> 00:13:10,530 How much longer can this possibly go on? 230 00:13:10,890 --> 00:13:14,290 Look, honey, you'll do the reunion, you'll raise $100 ,000 for the Red 231 00:13:14,410 --> 00:13:15,750 and the caramel will be paid in full. 232 00:13:16,630 --> 00:13:17,870 I meant your beard. 233 00:13:19,950 --> 00:13:21,530 It's not a beard. It's a jazz dot. 234 00:13:21,750 --> 00:13:22,750 It's very hip. 235 00:13:22,890 --> 00:13:23,890 Right, Rose? 236 00:13:24,270 --> 00:13:27,210 Yeah, all my friends think I'm getting dropped off to school by Limp Bizkit. 237 00:13:28,370 --> 00:13:30,050 Right now, I got bigger fish to fry. 238 00:13:30,250 --> 00:13:33,610 You know, sometimes I wish I'd never pulled that kid out of the ocean in the 239 00:13:33,610 --> 00:13:34,610 first place. 240 00:13:35,050 --> 00:13:37,330 Honey. What? You didn't. 241 00:13:37,830 --> 00:13:39,270 Damn, I keep doing that. 242 00:13:40,590 --> 00:13:41,590 Good morning. 243 00:13:45,250 --> 00:13:46,610 Hi, you're orange. 244 00:13:47,890 --> 00:13:48,890 Not orange. 245 00:13:48,930 --> 00:13:51,570 I'm... You see, I'm beachy looking. 246 00:13:52,910 --> 00:13:54,410 You look like a traffic cone. 247 00:13:56,210 --> 00:13:59,310 A woman in Savon said I looked like a bronzed god. 248 00:13:59,670 --> 00:14:01,870 Then she said something in Spanish and laughed quite a lot. 249 00:14:03,090 --> 00:14:04,490 Just don't sit on the couch. 250 00:14:04,850 --> 00:14:05,850 Leave me alone. 251 00:14:06,230 --> 00:14:10,830 Oh, by the way, I'm seeing Dylan tonight. I told him I'd spend all my 252 00:14:10,830 --> 00:14:11,789 in the surf. 253 00:14:11,790 --> 00:14:12,790 But you can't swim. 254 00:14:13,050 --> 00:14:15,790 Well, if I start drowning, you can just jump in and save me then, can't you? 255 00:14:17,840 --> 00:14:19,900 by my car and make sure nobody hits it. 256 00:14:21,560 --> 00:14:23,120 Honey, what's my agent's number? 257 00:14:23,340 --> 00:14:24,259 Uh, memory nine. 258 00:14:24,260 --> 00:14:26,060 Oh, you're so good with math. 259 00:14:27,480 --> 00:14:28,480 Hey, Rick. 260 00:14:28,600 --> 00:14:29,600 It's me. 261 00:14:29,800 --> 00:14:32,340 I'm looking for a little boy for a project I'm working on. 262 00:14:32,880 --> 00:14:36,900 Well, he has to be about 11, a very poor swimmer, and very good at keeping a 263 00:14:36,900 --> 00:14:37,900 secret. 264 00:14:38,340 --> 00:14:41,700 Honey, honey, who are you talking to? I'm trying to rustle up a kid for that 265 00:14:41,700 --> 00:14:42,700 reunion on The View. 266 00:14:42,900 --> 00:14:45,140 Hang up, hang up. I got it covered. Rick, I'll call you back. 267 00:14:46,560 --> 00:14:47,560 And who's that? 268 00:14:48,040 --> 00:14:49,600 You remember my nephew, Lewis? 269 00:14:49,860 --> 00:14:53,840 We went to see him as Juan Peron in the Fairfax Junior High production of Evita. 270 00:14:54,880 --> 00:14:55,880 Chilling. 271 00:14:56,560 --> 00:14:57,660 You're very good. 272 00:14:58,220 --> 00:15:01,740 Thanks, but when you've got someone like Amber Weinstock playing Evita, you 273 00:15:01,740 --> 00:15:02,740 can't go wrong. 274 00:15:03,680 --> 00:15:05,340 We're doing The King and I this semester. 275 00:15:05,800 --> 00:15:07,220 That sounds like a lot of fun. 276 00:15:07,600 --> 00:15:10,460 Hey, you want to be in it? I'm the king, you can be I. 277 00:15:11,760 --> 00:15:13,680 Well, I love you, darling, but I'm a movie star. 278 00:15:15,470 --> 00:15:18,350 Well, why don't we go through this once, okay? Sweetie, you go into the kitchen, 279 00:15:18,450 --> 00:15:21,750 and Lewis is going to wait here. And then you'll come out like you're being 280 00:15:21,750 --> 00:15:24,590 reunited on The View, and you'll both act surprised. Okay, fabulous. Fabulous. 281 00:15:24,590 --> 00:15:26,290 All right. Should I faint? 282 00:15:26,710 --> 00:15:27,710 No. Oh, okay. 283 00:15:28,090 --> 00:15:29,450 I really think I should faint. 284 00:15:30,370 --> 00:15:31,370 Gilding the lily. Go. 285 00:15:31,650 --> 00:15:32,670 Nobody let me faint. 286 00:15:54,700 --> 00:15:58,540 with the Divine Miss M and maybe a surprise or two, so don't go away. 287 00:15:59,760 --> 00:16:02,420 I still think I should faint. You're not fainting. 288 00:16:03,180 --> 00:16:04,320 How about if we both cry? 289 00:16:04,840 --> 00:16:06,940 Fine. I don't know if I can cry. 290 00:16:07,180 --> 00:16:09,420 Oh, it's easy. You just have to think of something sad. 291 00:16:09,740 --> 00:16:11,280 Did you ever have a dog that died? 292 00:16:12,040 --> 00:16:14,360 Come on, sweetheart. I don't want anybody seeing the two of you together. 293 00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:18,840 Connie. Connie, just tell me we're doing the right thing. Oh, sweetheart. Of 294 00:16:18,840 --> 00:16:19,840 course we're not. 295 00:16:20,460 --> 00:16:23,580 But this is going to put an end to it, and that'll be that. That's all we want, 296 00:16:23,620 --> 00:16:24,620 right? Yes, please. 297 00:16:25,390 --> 00:16:28,950 You know what? I just want you to know, from now on, it's honesty with me all 298 00:16:28,950 --> 00:16:30,550 the way. Good girl. Bye, 299 00:16:31,450 --> 00:16:32,450 honey. 300 00:16:34,770 --> 00:16:35,770 Don't you dare! 301 00:16:39,490 --> 00:16:40,970 You know, I've never had poi before. 302 00:16:43,990 --> 00:16:45,050 It's very tasty. 303 00:16:45,570 --> 00:16:48,410 Well, it's like chopped liver, but not bad. 304 00:16:48,870 --> 00:16:49,870 I told you. 305 00:16:50,860 --> 00:16:54,320 All right, Beth, we have to tell you the truth. We didn't fly you 3 ,000 miles 306 00:16:54,320 --> 00:16:56,700 just to see you mash up some taro root. 307 00:16:57,140 --> 00:16:58,140 What do you mean? 308 00:16:58,200 --> 00:17:00,680 Come on, Missy, we have a little surprise for you. 309 00:17:01,020 --> 00:17:02,100 Come on, it's the best surprise. 310 00:17:02,400 --> 00:17:07,859 We have someone here whose life you changed in such a deeply profound way, 311 00:17:07,859 --> 00:17:08,980 you haven't seen in a while. 312 00:17:09,180 --> 00:17:11,640 It's not Shelly Long, is it? Because the judge said 500 feet. 313 00:17:12,220 --> 00:17:18,140 I want you to meet a new friend of ours, but an old friend of yours. 314 00:17:18,940 --> 00:17:19,940 Louis? 315 00:18:21,680 --> 00:18:25,480 I can't believe such a big star cared enough to stop and help out a kid like 316 00:18:25,760 --> 00:18:26,760 That rules! 317 00:18:30,620 --> 00:18:36,180 I only wish Barbara Walters were here to see this. 318 00:18:36,600 --> 00:18:37,980 What day does she come in anyway? 319 00:18:38,780 --> 00:18:42,220 Is this the first time you two have seen each other since that day at the beach? 320 00:18:42,700 --> 00:18:43,740 Pretty much, yeah. 321 00:18:44,280 --> 00:18:47,460 He's always in my thoughts, though. Tell us again what happened. 322 00:18:47,900 --> 00:18:52,880 Look, I'm so tired of... tooting my own horn. Really, I'm glad I was there. I'm 323 00:18:52,880 --> 00:18:55,720 glad it worked out well, but really, it's time for all of us to move on. 324 00:18:55,960 --> 00:18:58,500 And she's so humble, isn't she? 325 00:19:03,440 --> 00:19:05,220 Thank you, thank you, but really enough. 326 00:19:05,640 --> 00:19:06,680 How about a song? 327 00:19:07,180 --> 00:19:09,200 You know, maybe Lewis can tell us what happened. 328 00:19:09,480 --> 00:19:12,480 Honey, what did happen that day after she saved you? 329 00:19:12,860 --> 00:19:17,140 Well, she drove me home and asked me about myself, and I told her I was in 330 00:19:17,140 --> 00:19:18,059 drama club. 331 00:19:18,060 --> 00:19:19,230 I always... the fourth yard. 332 00:19:20,170 --> 00:19:23,850 And that's when I told her how my school was doing the King and I. Yes, that's 333 00:19:23,850 --> 00:19:26,950 right, he did. And that's when she had the idea of starring in it with me and 334 00:19:26,950 --> 00:19:28,430 making a benefit for the Red Cross. 335 00:19:29,130 --> 00:19:30,130 Oh! 336 00:19:31,450 --> 00:19:32,490 Excuse me. 337 00:19:32,990 --> 00:19:35,490 Well, why let all the good work stop here, right? 338 00:19:36,330 --> 00:19:38,550 Absolutely! What a great idea, Ben! 339 00:19:43,390 --> 00:19:47,510 And all the pretty proceeds go to the Red Cross. Well, I think we should 340 00:19:47,510 --> 00:19:48,510 it. What do you think, girls? 341 00:19:48,649 --> 00:19:50,710 Let's do it. Audience, what do you think? 342 00:19:56,510 --> 00:19:57,510 All right, look. 343 00:19:57,790 --> 00:19:59,790 I just can't stand this anymore. 344 00:20:00,030 --> 00:20:02,090 I just need to be honest with everyone. 345 00:20:02,730 --> 00:20:03,730 Yes? Yeah. 346 00:20:32,040 --> 00:20:33,380 Hi, I'm Bette. 347 00:20:34,060 --> 00:20:37,040 Tonight's episode addresses a serious problem in our society. 348 00:20:37,740 --> 00:20:38,740 Celebrity lying. 349 00:20:40,120 --> 00:20:43,260 And as you saw, it got my character into quite a pickle. 350 00:20:43,700 --> 00:20:47,060 Now, just because I am an Academy Award winning actress. 351 00:20:47,280 --> 00:20:48,280 Bette. 352 00:20:50,140 --> 00:20:51,140 Nominated actress. 353 00:20:51,540 --> 00:20:54,180 That does not give me the right to lie to you. 354 00:20:54,440 --> 00:20:57,800 As I said when I was Time Magazine's Woman of the Decade. Bette. 355 00:20:59,420 --> 00:21:00,660 Person of the Year. 356 00:21:00,940 --> 00:21:03,080 Bette. Long time subscriber. 357 00:21:04,600 --> 00:21:07,640 If you're going to lie, don't drink and drive. 358 00:21:08,040 --> 00:21:10,560 CBS, it's all here.